Uncovering Blind Spots: Why We Need Others to See Ourselves Clearly
Finding Clarity in Blind Spots: How Co-Regulation Can Help Us See Ourselves Clearly
Have you ever found yourself stuck in the same pattern of behaviour or thinking and wondered, Why do I keep doing this?
Chances are, you’ve bumped into a blind spot—something about yourself you just can’t see clearly.
Blind spots are often rooted in self-deception—a natural, protective mechanism. It’s not that we’re weak or flawed; it’s that our brains are wired to keep us safe. They work overtime to synthesise all our past experiences and predict possible futures, guiding us to avoid perceived dangers.
But here’s the thing:
What protects us can also prevent us from growing.
So how do we begin to see what’s hidden in plain sight?
The answer is both simple and profound: human connection.
What Is Self-Deception?
Self-deception is the brain’s way of smoothing over the messiness of reality. We ignore facts that don’t fit our internal narratives, seek out evidence to confirm what we already believe, or invent “logical” reasons for choices we know deep down don’t quite add up.
It’s like applying a filter to our lives—one that helps us cope but makes it harder to grow.
These mental shortcuts create blind spots: gaps in self-awareness that show up in our relationships, habits, and even the stories we tell ourselves about who we are. And the real challenge?
Because they’re blind spots, we can’t discover them alone.
Why Connection Matters
The beauty of being human is that we’re not designed to go it alone.
This is where co-regulation comes in.
Co-regulation happens when we’re in the presence of someone who helps us feel safe, calm, and seen—whether it’s a coach, therapist, or a trusted friend.
When we feel emotionally and physically safe, our nervous systems settle. That shift opens the door to curiosity and reduces the grip of defensiveness and self-protection. In this state, we can gently begin to explore those blind spots—without judgment or fear.
This feeling of safety is what researchers call psychological safety. It’s been linked to high-performing teams, creative problem-solving, and innovation.
In both personal growth and professional collaboration, psychological safety isn’t just an outcome of good dynamics—it’s a key ingredient.
How Co-Regulation Supports Growth
When you’re in a co-regulated space with someone you trust, a few powerful things can happen:
• They See What You Can’t
A supportive partner can reflect back patterns or truths you’re too close to see. This isn’t about judgment—it’s about clarity. Think of it like mirroring: “I notice you seem tense,” or “What I’m hearing is that you feel satisfied.” Simple reflections from an “I” perspective can create powerful insight.
• You Stay Grounded
Exploring blind spots is vulnerable work. Having someone beside you who doesn’t try to fix you, but simply reflects and stays present, can be enormously validating. It externalises what might otherwise feel like an internal storm.
• You Gain New Perspectives
Others can reframe what you’re experiencing or ask questions that gently challenge your assumptions. They help you navigate the mysterious terrain of yourself with more grace.
Starting the Journey: 4 Gentle Steps
1. Find Your Safe Space
This might be a coach, mentor, or friend—what matters most is how they make you feel: safe, seen, and respected.
2. Ask for Feedback
Invite input on areas you might not be seeing clearly—how you show up at work, in relationships, or your daily patterns. And remember: discomfort doesn’t mean something is wrong—it often means something important is being touched.
3. Stay Curious
This isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about learning. Think of it like solving a puzzle—some pieces fall into place quickly, others take time and support.
4. Use Reflection Tools
Journaling, mindfulness, and self-assessments can help you connect the dots. If you’re not sure where to start, stay tuned—I’ll be sharing more tools and methods in future posts.
The Bottom Line
Blind spots aren’t flaws—they’re invitations.
They ask us to grow, to connect, and to see ourselves more fully.
And we don’t have to do it alone.
In a world that often celebrates rugged self-awareness, there’s quiet power in admitting we need others to truly understand ourselves.
Because the journey toward authenticity isn’t just about self-improvement—it’s about seeing the value in the connections you make possible.
And that’s something worth celebrating.